Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
