I think i peed on brittanys purse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
