i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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