Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
