What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
