My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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