I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize