i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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