I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
