A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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