when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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