omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
