It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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