Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will be naked everywhere
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
