just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
