Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize