I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
