just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You ruined the universe
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
