um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
