woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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