Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
