I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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