I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
