But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
