ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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