My Higher Power is John Stamos
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
