Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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