Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
