just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
