I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
