I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
