Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
