i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
