You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
