The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
