there's paper in my vomit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
