God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize