Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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