Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
