i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize