The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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