We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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