Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
