I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
