you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
