i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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