I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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