you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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