btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
