hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
