but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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