....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
