I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
