Banned from zoo.
Again?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
