my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
