Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
