Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
