Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
