I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
