He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
