I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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