He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
