Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize