I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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