you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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