His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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