just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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