is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
