so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Four minutes until I can fart!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
