You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
