I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
