nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
