I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
