he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
