i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
