i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize