just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
