Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
