Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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