I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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