the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
