Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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