I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
