She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
