just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
