I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
