remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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