So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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