I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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