dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
