So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
do herpes really smell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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