in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
