Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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