Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
