Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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