i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize