it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
