we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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