I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
