so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
