I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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