I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Will you blow on my dice?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
